To the Land of Maple Syrup and Hockey
by CrazySauce202
Summary: To improve international relations, the provinces and territories have to join a pen pal project. Well, either that or Canada likes being able to boss people around. The only problem is that they don't have anyone to write to! You can help them, right? Contains QuOn, maybe future PruCan, ManitobaxBC, NSxNB, and/or NewfiexNunny? Rated because Quebec is French. IAMP characters used.
1. Chapter 1

**Yes. It's another oh-so-original 'write letters to _' fic. Oh joy. *insert sarcasm here***

**I kinda hate myself for writing one of these (after all, they're pretty much the scum of the fanfiction world), but screw that and a bottle of maple syrup! ANYWAY! Send in letters to one of the provinces, m'kay?**

* * *

"Letters? Why should I?" Ontario demanded. He and the rest of his immediate family sat around the dining room table, their adoptive father sitting at the head of said table and looking quite happy that none of his provinces or territories had screamed or chosen the more than likely option of separating from him.

"All of you are going to be part of a pen pal program to strengthen international relations," Matthew replied calmly. While his voice was the same low volume as always, his tone oozed 'no nonsense' more than it did his usual politeness.

"But that's a waste of paper!" Manitoba protested.

Canada held back a small sigh; he'd been expecting this from either the 'friendly' province or BC, and his predictions had been right. The 'beautiful' province nodded in agreement, but didn't look up from her cell phone as she sent a text at the speed of light – after all, what else is there to do when you appear to be a 16 year old girl? Matt's response was the obvious one, of course being "Then use your email address," which seemed to sit well with the scary-mugged man.

"In that case I call dibs on Hong Kong as my penpal," Victoria looked up from her phone for a second to make sure that no one was against the idea. After all, she hadn't had a chance to talk to her 'twin' in quite a while.

"And of course I shall be writing to Papa France!" Jean piped up excitedly. Oh, he'd show those _mauvais anglais _when he and his _père_ started an empire of French sexiness.

"Kissup," Ontario muttered, not bothering trying to hide the comment from his ex-husband/verbal punching bag.

"Oh, and you were not thinking of pairing up with Angleterre?" the Matthew look-alike didn't have a chance to lie and deny it before the French-Canadian answered from him, "After all, you and Arthur are both depressingly boring. Eh, Olivier?"

"Shut up, asshole!"

"Could you two please not fight?"

"Stay out of this Northwest!" Ontario's snappy reply made the northern girl consider getting out her shotgun, but she thought better of shooting a hole in the ceiling and didn't bother.

"C-could you both calm down? Please?" Matthew begged. Of course his quiet request was ignored, not having been heard by the two, who were now shouting at each other from opposite ends of the room. The nation sighed and took out his cell phone, sending a mass text explaining that they where dismissed and wouldn't be able to choose their pen pals because Harper was a douchebag.

Everyone filed out of the room seconds after receiving the text, save for BC, who hadn't gotten around the installing cameras in that room yet and instead opted to take pictures through the small opening in the closet door. Oh yes, she would definitely be sending these pictures to Elizaveta and Kiku.

* * *

**Oh BC. How can we not love you :)**

**For anyone that cares/didn't know, here are the provinces' and territories' human names!**

**Alberta – Ralph Campbell**

**British Columbia – Victoria 'Van' Cheung**

**Manitoba – Ilan Riel**

**New Brunswick – Marie 'Bonnie' McCain**

**Newfoundland – Benjamin O'Reilly**

**Northwest Territories – uh… I dunno? Can you guys help me pick a name?**

**Nova Scotia – Joel Alexander Mackenzie**

**Nunavut – Nanook Puqiqnak**

**Ontario – Oliver Stanley**

**Prince Edward Island – Anne Montgomery**

**Quebec – Jean Tremblay**

**Saskatchewan – Owen Williams**

**Yukon – Kate Sahneuti**

… **yeah, I'm using the iammatthewian characters… feel free to kill me for being lazy and unoriginal ^-^**

**The provinces/territories await your fan squeals, but you gotta sign it with the name of a real place :P**

**Also, here's some translations for you noobs that don't speak French ^.^**

**_mauvais anglais - _litterally means 'bad English', but a real translation would be 'horrible anglophones' or something similar.**

**_père - _dad**

**So click that awesome review button of awesomeness (total Prussia moment lol) and type something!**

***insert heart/smiley face/whatever here***


	2. aichannekonyaX3 1

_Dear Mani,_

_I have a challenge for you. I want you to respond to this letter in as genuinely friendly of a way as possible. In case you are wondering, I am human. I came across your email while talking to an intoxicated province on the street when they visited my city. So, blame them for my spamming._

_I confess, I don't know much about your history. Tell me about yourself, and I promise I won't start trying to piss you off until later._

_Also, for every reply you give me, you can make one guess on which traitor gave a stranger your email._

_In case this email is fake, then a crock of bull to the person who gave it to me in the first place. Oh, my goodness, I'm talking to someone who may not be a real person... I must be pretty damn bored... Oh, wow._

_Bye! Reply quick, so you can get your guesses!_

* * *

"What the hell…?"

"Better do what the lady tells ya', 'cause we're not 'fessin' up to anything," Alberta informed his brother.

"Shut up, Al," the redhead replied, swatting away a mosquito as he did.

* * *

**Dear Whoever You Are,**

**First of all I'd like to assure you that I'm real. And you said they were drunk, right? My first guess would have to be Nova Scotia, then. He's always drunk, so it's gotta be him, right?**

**I'm not really sure what to tell you about myself. Do you want the Wikipedia version, or the personal experience? I guess I could give you a mix of both. Be ready to take notes, 'cause this is a pretty long story.**

**Right after the last ice age, about 10,000 years ago, the First Nations people started living on my land. It was mostly Ojibwe, Cree, Dene, Sioux, Mandan, and Assiniboine people who founded settlements over here. In fact, my name means 'strait of the spirit' in Cree. Everything was pretty boring for a while after that, until the early-to-late-mid 1600s when European settlers came and claimed my land as their own. The Hudson's Bay Company was formed soon after, and me and my siblings Saskatchewan, Alberta, Nunavut, Ontario, and Quebec became known as Rupert's Land. It was mostly me and Sask, though, seeing as everyone else was only partially included. Then France found me and I was part of New France for a while, but it didn't last very long because of the Seven Years War. Eventually England smushed all of us in Rupert's Land in with Northwest, and gave us to Canada. This was a smart move on his part, because the Métis peoples were getting fed up with being ignored and discriminated against. This resulted in Louis Reil, commonly referred to as my dad, the leader of the Métis, going up to Parliament and basically yelling at them for being asses. After that I was made my own province, and Reil was declared the equivalent of America's Most Wanted for starting a rebellion. He went into hiding down in America, and the rest is history. The Métis were still discriminated against and most weren't given the land they'd been promised, so they moved to Saskatchewan and Alberta's houses. At that time I was about out one eighteenth of the size I am now. So, pretty tiny. My borders expanded in 1881, but Ontario took most of that land from me. Northwest gave up lots of her land, and I became the size I am today because of her generosity.**

**Everything after that is pretty much just modernization and more of that Anglo vs. Franco crap, so I'll spare you the boredom.**

**I guess if there's anything else you should know about me, it's the random trivia stuff. I'm the Slurpee capital of the world, my weather is a perfect example of 'real' Canadian weather (I put quotes around the word 'real' because Ontario and BC's weather consists of sunshine, rain, and the occasional light flurries. It's kind of depressing for us snow-loving provinces), I will willingly admit to loving ballet, and I actually _am_ friendly. Most of the time.**

**... that was friendly enough, right?**

**~Manitoba**

* * *

**A/N: BWAAAAH! MANI, WHY YOU SO HARD TO WRITE IN LETTER FORM? I CAN'T THINK LIKE YOU, YA CRAZY GINGER!**

**... Okay, so maybe I wrote this while staring at a Wikipedia article and listening to IAMP in the background. Maybe. But BC is my specialty, having been born and raised in her as well as currently living at her place, so maybe someone send in a letter to BC? Also, Call Me, Maybe?**

**Hopefully next time I write as an IAMP character I won't fail. Epically.**


	3. Ohio 1 and 2

_Hey Ontario,  
First off stop sticking it in my back. That peninsula of yours that Prussia claimed is giving me back problems.  
Also the old man says we need to work on some kind of Underground Railroad museum 'cause a lot of those people escaped north to your house and blah blah blah, I wasn't really paying attention, but you get the idea. Don't know where we'd put it, all we have is that lake between us.  
Sincerely not yours,  
Belle Jones, Ohio_

_Hey BC,_  
_Just thought I 'd see if we were still on for bugging Louis' house this weekend. He and Alabama have been spending more time together lately. Let me know so I can get the equipment from Japan and Hungary._  
_Your friend,_  
_Belle_

* * *

"Hey BC!" the blond province called. He wasn't going to waste time looking for that peasant, after all.

"What?" came a shout from the other end of the large house.

"Tell Ohio to stop attaching your weird messages to mine!"

"The hell are you talking about?" she asked, snatching the letter from him upon entering the room. A blush rose upon her cheeks and she said "I have no idea what you're talking about. She must have gone insane or something," before going back outside, where the Prairie brothers had started a water fight in a desperate attempt to beat the heat.

* * *

**Dear Ohio,**

**First of all, deal with it. Maybe go see a chiropractor? I don't know, but there's nothing I can do about it.**

_**Translation: He doesn't care.**_

**Go away Quebec! And what do you mean 'that Prussia claimed'?**

… **Oh. Matt just explained it to me. WHAT THE HELL? And YOU knew about this HOW exactly?**

**As for the Underground Railroad museum, we have it in Toronto. After all, it's the center of the universe and everything.**

**Sincerely yours, because I'm mature enough not to act as childish as you,**

**Oliver Stanley, Ontario**

* * *

Ducking behind a fence, water gun in one hand and a phone in the other, BC typed as fast as possible while she and The Yukon dodged the brothers' attacks.

* * *

**Hey Belle,**

**I can't. Taiwan and South Korea are coming over, and if I leave them alone they'll trash the house. Actually, they could probably help. Count me in after all. Kate says she heard that New Jersey and New York are getting pretty close, too. I'm still pissed at him about the Stanley Cup last year, but Yukon said she can go instead of me if you decide to bug his house.**

**Tell Nihon I wanna know when the next issue of Kuroshitsuji comes out, 'kay?**

**- Victoria**


	4. Bornholm 1

_Hej Jean,_

_I was just wondering how you have been doing. I hope this letter finds you well, I have heard it has been very harsh over where you live this year. Bummer. It has been moderately cold all year over on this side of earth. Do you still smoke, if so I can send over some of there special cigarettes my people make. They are pretty good. I think I've taken enough of your time, so farvel, my Jean 3_

_From,_  
_Danish province Bornholm_

* * *

**_Bonjour_ Bornholm.**

**It's been quite a while since we last spoke, _oui_? I am fine for the most part, though these _stupide anglais_ are as insufferable as always. It has been pretty bad over here, but _ce __n'est __rien __que__ je ne __peut__ pas __endurer_ – it's nothing I can't handle. I would willingly take the cold instead of the summer heat. I do still smoke, but if you're sending the kind of cigarettes I think you're sending, BC is likely to steal them when she finds out we've all been 'borrowing' from her stash, so make sure to send lots, _s'il __vous__ plait_. Feel free to write to me whenever you wish. You're a good distraction from all the idiots surrounding me.**

**~ Jean Tremblay, _la province de Québec_**


End file.
